Lucky

Lucky

by Kirsten Dierking

All this time,
the life you were
supposed to live
has been rising around you
like the walls of a house
designed with warm
harmonious lines.
As if you had actually
planned it that way.
As if you had
stacked up bricks
at random,
and built by mistake
a lucky star.

A few weeks ago, my husband sent me this poem. It was touching to receive, not only because it is a lovely poem, but because with it he wrote how much it reminded him of me.

To many, I think my life looks like a series of starts and stops, a bunch of random decisions and fickle choices. It means the world to me that to my husband, my life makes sense. It is affirming that he not only sees the choices I make as valid, but intentional.

Ironically, it doesn’t always feel that way to me. I am surrounded by people who began their careers over twenty years ago, starting with an intense focus in one discipline that then progressed and evolved into full, tenured professorships. I’m sure within the confines of each of their minds, their professional lives feel less direct. But, from the outside, from my point of view as I chit-chat with them at parties, them asking me, “So, what do you do?”, their lives look like they’ve always had everything all figured out.

Little by little, though, brick by brick, I am beginning to see how every choice I’ve made in my life has been building towards something that actually may make some sense. The trick now is to continue building, to not shy away from where my heart is leading me. It is exciting and scary, exhilirating and inspiring.

Towards that end, I have reduced the number of hours I am working at NPJ to two days a week in order to intentionally carve out time for what truly makes my heart sing: teaching knitting, both private and semi-private lessons and group classes; creating knitting classes and KALs; developing my own skills both in knitting and photography; scheduling photoshoots again; writing both on this blog and personally; experimenting with design work and tech editing; continuing to develop my Knit Hero business.

Amazingly, I am finding that perhaps I, too, began my career over twenty years ago. Every day, I have been working hard, building a life, developing skills and persuing talents–and that has gotten me to this place, right now.

And so, as I begin to glimpse the beauty of what is around me, I will continue to develop, grow, and work, always following my heart and dreaming big. Although I’m not sure exactly where I’m going, I am excited to see what tomorrow will bring.